God's Spontaneity and My Filofax

This year, I started using once again a "necessary accessory" that I'd surrendered at the beginning of 2005, in a gesture of total submission to a greater Schedule. But since I received a very attractive filofax in my favorite color this past Christmas, I began to put it to good use - writing down appointments and birthdays that I might forget; "backing up" my directory the laborious, old-fashioned, and extremely reliable way (writing down names and numbers!); making lists of things to do.

And yet, although I tend to prefer stability over spontaneity (the "control freak" monster in me still rears its ugly head once in a while; one particular person knows what I'm talking about), my filofax is now subjected to a lot more flexibility than I'd ever thought possible. Plans that don't push through don't really irk me as much as they used to (i.e., maddeningly so!), and although people who don't do what they say or stay true to their word still get my goat, it's become a lot easier to be patient with their shortcomings. Especially in the light of my own. And ever since I began to completely submit (or at least attempt to do so) every single day to God's direction and discretion, He's made some plans of His own.

Last week's planner entries are evidence enough. I'd originally declined - for personal reasons - a friend's invite to go up to the mountains, although I sorely needed time away from the city. Come Saturday night, I'd decided, God-willing, to make the trip only until Baguio City, where I'd stay behind to spend some quiet time alone until our return to Manila on Tuesday. But as He would have it (a next-door neighbor's untimely death on the morning we arrived - her fresh corpse on the living room floor being a portent of things to come - effectively deterred plans of staying home alone!), I made it all the way up to the mountains anyway, where we extended our stay until Friday! Because on Tuesday, just when we'd decided to stay another day, a bus fell off a cliff - and families had to be comforted, wakes to be attended, photos and videos and reports had to be taken, TV networks entertained, a new route out of Kabayan not involving any more buses to be found...

A schedule shot to pieces, but God is good and there was nothing extremely urgent in my calendar that couldn't give way to these pressing circumstances. In the midst of all this death and tragedy, I managed to maintain my regular prayer time at the St. Francis Xavier Church, one of my favorite places to converse with and listen to God. Because of the unfamiliar spontaneity that characterized the week, I found myself asking Him each and every morning: "Why am I here? What do You need me to do?" And He was ready with His answers, each and every day as the week wore on, through His Word, through His word, and through His circumstances, unusual though they may be. And more answers are forthcoming.

With all the changes and crossing-outs, my filofax is beginning to look more like a journal than a planner, which is probably for the best. I could continue to map out a regimented schedule that would make my day run like clockwork - but leave out the beautiful unpredictability of God's Higher Scheme. And so I do what I've found to work best: make plans, submit them all to Him for approval/disapproval, and let Him direct the course of my days. Amen.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5