Thanks

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in this country, so the Christmas-New Year season is traditionally the time to be grateful for blessings received during the year that was. I've been meaning to write down the many things that have been given me in 2005 and which I am grateful for, but a friend beat me to it, so much for originality, hehe.

Ironically, this is also traditionally the time of year when I'm most "disturbed" - there's something about the end of the year that triggers some sort of emotional imbalance that teeters between the blues and the reds and the blahs. This year is no different, except that since my renewal, I've learned to cling to the Captain of the boat through turbulent tides. And He's always pulled me through each rocky encounter with the storm and the waves, with lessons hopefully learned and faith always strengthened. This year, in particular, with no "work" to be done and no mission "duties" to occupy my time, He and I have engaged in some very excruciating one-to-ones, especially during moments when I've been weakened beyond compare...but it is precisely these moments, when my will is broken and I find myself exhausted from (unwittingly) wrestling with Him over areas in my life I apparently have not surrendered to Him, that make me utterly dependent upon God. These are the growing-pain moments, the pruning and chastening opportunities, which although sometimes debilitating, we must submit to, if the Master is to have His perfect way. And for this, even through the pain, I am grateful. He has never done me wrong...for He is faithful, even when I am not.

Second, I am thankful for faithful friends, who have been there and who I know will always be there for me. I take care of too many people: I try to be strong for others when they are weak, and sometimes I wonder who will take care of me when I need healing, comfort, and strength. God takes care of me, first and foremost - and He also takes care of me through the handful of friends who know me inside-out, who put up with my craziness, and who nurse me back to "health," even by the ministry of their mere presence. This season, I am particularly grateful for that tremendous blessing - even if I myself have not been much of a friend as I would like to be or a ministering presence towards them because of the "busy-ness" of the year. I know I can run into the arms of these people and be vulnerable and bleed all over them and still, always, be loved despite the mess I make on their clothes and carpet. :-) God has ways of keeping me sane in this crazy world, and these friends of mine - particularly in the last few difficult days, Rhia, Neil, and Neyney - are a big part of stabilizing my mental, emotional, and spiritual health!

Third, I am thankful for the mission I have been "assigned." Oftentimes there is only just enough light for the next step, but He has given me a general idea of what I must do. All I need to do in response is listen for His day-to-day directions. Otherwise, I completely steer off-course...and then He needs to set me back down and put me back on track. Just like He usually does at the end of the year :-) I either run too fast ahead and need to be reined in, or lag too far behind. May I walk hand-in-hand, shoulder-to-shoulder with, or even better, be always led by Him - that way I can't go wrong!

Fourth, I am thankful for the stars in the sky that shine brightest when the night is darkest. :-)

Many more things to say "thank You!" for and reasons to say "I love You!" but I'm going to call it a night.

Thank You. I love You. :-)