2006

I started writing my resolutions, the not-so-serious ones, in my other blog, and tonight, as I try to drown out the sound of the menacing videoke machine (yes, the prurient gargantuan monster courtesy of my prurient gargantuan brother) I am quite determined to draw up a few more things I'd like to accomplish in 2006. Seriously.

As I've written previously, and as some people closest to me know, I've recently been (am still going?) through a period of intense pruning that's served its intended purpose of laying me flat on my back and keeping me down on my knees. God's had a lot of things to say to me recently, but He needed to take me through the painful process of emptying myself in order to receive His fullness. Just when I thought I'd had it all figured out, He cast His blinding light on certain areas of my life I never realized I had such a tight grip on. And when He asked me to loose them, and unconditionally release them to Him, how surprised I was to find myself resisting initially, especially when at the start of my mission I'd promised Him anything He asked of me, and more! I thought it would be too hurtful, too drastic, too difficult and devastating to give back to Him the very dreams and desires that I thought He'd always wanted for me, but once I started to surrender, the submission became so very sweet. How could I doubt His infinite wisdom for one second? How could I believe that I knew better than the One who wills only the best? And yet I apparently did, by relying on my own devices instead of yielding everything to Him, consequently losing focus on the One I should be giving my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength to. Guess it's still that control freak in me that He's trying to break down...and bless Him for that!

Anyway, in the last few days - when once again He left me with the all-too familiar weakness and fragile brokenness that has no recourse but to trust entirely in Him in every step I take - He's shown me once again what it means to walk in His light and according to His will, and what it's like to stray. He's taken me further out into the deep, and enabled me to do what I'd never have dreamed of doing before, just because I followed His directions.

Tomorrow, my "resolutions"...the impossible that will be made possible by His grace. I'd written them down earlier, but a glitch erased most of this entry, so I guess they need to be further "refined" before public consumption.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! And yes, right now I can honestly say I actually AM happy :-)