Weathering The Whirlpool

Whew. I think I'm safely on steady shores now after the "strengthening storm," with an armful of lessons learned from riding this latest whopper of a whirlpool of faith. Even my “interiors” feel a whole lot different, as if something foul and carcinogenic was purged from within - it’s an exhilirating liberation that I can attribute only to God. But I'm still clinging on for dear life to the Captain of the vessel, who not only rescues me from the depths of the ocean, but likewise walks with me on solid ground. May I never stray too far from Him again (a familiar refrain by now to His ears, good thing His patience is infinite!).

For some reason, this latest "episode" reminds me of the last scene of the movie "The Day After Tomorrow," when mankind's abuse of nature triggers a drastic climate change that devastates a huge portion of the earth but finally results in a whole new and environmentally improved world. Nature sought to make things "right" again, just as God seeks to always make things "right" in the lives we've given Him, every time we miss the mark. And sometimes, He has to rock our worlds just to put everything back in place. After the last few days of getting back on my spiritual feet, I can say that everything is where it's supposed to be - or at least it's getting there.

I learned (again) to depend solely on Him and spend more time listening to Him - in His Word, as well as in my circumstances. He reminded me of the absolute necessity, especially for people who serve Him as missionaries of His Light, to constantly partake of the strength He gives us in the Holy Eucharist...our daily bread indeed. Without frequently receiving the greatest gift of His love - the Lord Himself! - it becomes extremely difficult to bring His love to others. And the more we receive Him and His love, the more we can take Him to others by loving them even more. Somehow, in the busy-ness of service, I managed to lose sight of the awesome privilege and blessing of attending daily Mass and started going less frequently, if at all...and now I realize the grace I "missed out" on. Our "in-filling" is as important as our "outpouring," for we cannot give what we do not have. Praise God for His boundless reservoir from which we can always draw our fill!

I'd always been meaning to "get one" but never quite really got around to it, so I am pleasantly surprised to find myself blessed with a priest-confessor, to whom I have been able to regularly hold myself accountable through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This particular confessor likes to hear confession face-to-face, under the stars, in the garden; he "wipes" your bloody brow every time you beat yourself up for falling short and tells you to be "gentle on yourself, for even the Lord does not condemn you;" and whenever he corrects, there is no doubt in your mind that he does so with love. Just like Jesus. Which is how it should be, without going into catechesis. It also helps that, like the Lord, he's close to my age...and he blogs (just like his Boss, whose "Blog" is a Bestseller). How cool is that? Anyway, God's forgiveness on that Tuesday evening was the final cleansing I needed after all those days of rolling around in the dirt of my conscience, and somehow I knew that we'd reached the shore.

The counsel and faith sharing of strong Christian friends is also a tremendous blessing I am grateful for. God alone takes us through whatever we must endure, but fellow Christians help us get our bearings back more quickly - we are all broken, weak-kneed creatures who have to lean on each other to be able to stand upright. I am thankful for my "safe place to fall" - where I can bare my most wearying struggles and most painful shortcomings - in the presence of faithful friends in Christ, both in the mission and in our little group of believers to whom I am accountable. After each conversation with the handful of people I've shared this latest struggle with (albeit only after God brought me across), I felt my spirits lifting higher and higher - as if helping hands were reaching down to pull me up.

And as the "greenhouse effect" in my life was being cleared up and the smog blasted out of my spiritual system, I began to hear God speak ever so clearly. His most prominent word, which I believe is His "theme" for my life in 2006, has been this verse, which has resounded and been confirmed by others over and again since prayer group last Thursday, during my Friday night prayer time, and again, today at the He Cares planning session:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
Every branch in me that bears no fruit he cuts away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes to make it bear even more.
You are clean already, by means of the word that I have spoken to you.
Remain in me, as I in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit all by itself, unless it remains part of the vine, neither can you unless you remain in me.
I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me, with me in him, bears fruit in plenty; for cut off from me you can do nothing.
Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a branch-and withers; these branches are collected and thrown on the fire and are burnt.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for whatever you please and you will get it.
It is to the glory of my Father that you should bear much fruit and be my disciples. I have loved you just as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my own joy may be in you and your joy be complete. John 15:1-11


Remain in Him. Stay close to Jesus. Keep your eyes on the Lord, do not stray from the Shepherd. For cut off from Him, we can do nothing, but in Him, our joy will be complete.

I'm ready to get back to work, Boss. :-) But while I'm at it, may I always remember Whose I am. Amen.