Lesson In Love

A few days ago, I had my first lesson in love.

The greatest kind of love, that is – the kind of love called agape, charity. Not the alms-giving kind, but a kind of selfless love that is more than a feeling, directed not towards the abstraction of humanity but at a concrete individual, the willing of another’s good, love for love’s sake. Peter Kreeft wrote an excellent essay on this kind of love; C.S. Lewis spoke about it at great length; Jesus Christ demonstrated exactly how it worked.

Kreeft says: “(S)omehow in agape you give yourself away, not just your time or work or possessions or even your body. You put yourself in your own hands and hand it over to another. And when you do this unthinkable thing, another unthinkable thing happens: you find yourself in losing yourself. You begin to be when you give yourself away. You find that a new and more real self has somehow been given to you. When you are a donor you mysteriously find yourself a recipient - of the very gift you gave away.”

I thought I was pretty well on the way to learning this kind of love; after all, two years’ into conversion should count for something. And then I met someone who radiated agape, and I realized that I hadn’t even enrolled for the course.

There’s something about someone who has given up his all for Jesus; who has trusted so completely and so unconditionally in His direction; who preaches what love is all about without even having to say a word. This person’s self is lost completely, totally given away in the love of God as made real by loving those He asked us to love, and replaced by a new self – a new self that so very closely resembles the One to whom that surrender was made.

I’ve often wondered what it was to walk in the company of Jesus. In my meditations, I like to talk to Saint Peter and ask that big, brash, uneducated buffoon of a fisherman how it was to be loved and forgiven by the Master. And the Saint formerly known as Simon often helps me to see that, despite his weaknesses and impetuosity, his passive-aggressiveness and cowardice, his faithlessness and betrayal, the Lord always always took all of him, even in his grizzled, smelling-of-fish, loudly-sobbing state of disheveledness, into the tightest of bear hugs.

I think that those who have walked in the company of the Holy Father, or of Mother Teresa - as these holy ones of God kissed the little children, blessed the infirm, comforted the dying and the diseased, and embraced their enemies - have known this kind of experience. I think that those who have walked with any of the Missionaries of Charity or Brothers of the Poor as they went about their work have known it as well. I walked one morning with one humble but joyful man who has given up all to the Master and in return received that perfect kind of love to give away, and on that morning I knew what it was to walk with Christ. Somehow all in his path knew that this person was someone who loved them in a special way, because a beautiful thing about agape – the agape of Jesus, passed on to Peter, and to John Paul II, Teresa of Calcutta, and numerous religious and lay followers of Christ over the centuries who have given up all to receive All – is that it is an interior light that shines so brightly from within that the person who has it in his or her heart physically radiates it. And those upon whom the brightness and warmth of that light shines cannot help but be drawn to its glow…some dare to come so close as to be infected and possessed by it. I walked with Jesus as He shone through this new friend of mine that morning, and I was drawn into that light. I can only pray for the grace to radiate Christ in the same way, because I know I have a long way to go after this first lesson in love!

Dear Jesus, help us to spread Your fragrance everywhere we go. Flood our souls with Your spirit and life. Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly that our lives may only be a radiance of Yours. Shine through us, and be so in us that every soul we come in contact with may feel Your presence in our souls. Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus! Stay with us, and then we shall begin to shine as You shine; so to shine as to be a light to others. The light, O Jesus, will be all from You, none of it will be ours; it will be You shining on others through us. Let us thus praise You in the way you love best: by shining on others through us. Let us preach You without preaching, not by words but by our example, by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what we do, the evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to You. Amen.
- Cardinal John Henry Newman
(The Missionaries of Charity pray this prayer every day after Mass, as did Blessed Teresa of Calcutta)

See How They Love Each Other

"In the first centuries of Christianity, pagans said about Christians, 'See how they love each other.' The love of God and neighbor was the characteristic of the first Christians. This love was expressed through the daily practice of the Works of Mercy. To feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to shelter the homeless, to instruct the ignorant at a personal sacrifice was considered by the first Christians as the right thing to do." - Peter Maurin

A wise man of God told me a couple of weeks ago, "God desires acts of mercy, not sacrifice." Scripture is replete with this declaration: "Faithful love is what pleases me, not sacrifice" (Hosea 6:6); "Is Yahweh pleased by burnt offerings and sacrifices or by obedience to Yahweh's voice? Truly, obedience is better than sacrifice, submissiveness than the fat of rams," (1 Samuel 15:22) "To love Him with all your heart, with all your understanding and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself, this is far more important than any burnt offering or sacrifice." Amen. :-)

Driving and Daddy's Day

Dear BBro,

Tonight, I start to blog. It's a little weird to write you a letter while allowing others to read thoughts and feelings that were meant primarily for you, but most of what I have to say is meant for sharing. Since it would be more strange to send a "Dear BB" letter via mass e-mail to people who take the time to read my humble reflections, or to send it through an e-group, a weblog seemed like the best alternative. My sister, who has always so generously lent her ear to many of my oral reflections (God and the occasional houseguest know all too well how often we've stayed up through the night until sunrise just talking about Him and His works - er, God, not the houseguest), encouraged me the other day to write all this stuff down for posterity. I am not a big journaller, because I often suffer from verbal over-expression once pen hits paper or index finger hits computer keyboard. But I shall attempt to share as much as I can through this marvelous medium.

Yesterday and today I did something I hadn't done for a very long time - I took a long drive on my own. Sometimes it really is the journey and not the destination. Long-distance, no-traffic driving is one of my most favorite things in the world...it "airs out" my mind and my soul. I'm a big fan of great driving conversations, but I often prefer solo flights. Today I was happy to be sans co-pilot...I could do whatever I want on the long drive home from Batangas to Manila. And do it I did. One of the setbacks of traveling for the magazine is that, more often than not, I have to share a hotel room and therefore compromise the privacy of prayer time (which often leaves me trying to make the best of the bathroom). Today was not an exception. But despite the semi-chaotic temporary accomodations, do you know how sweetly He woke me up? He spoke the words, "anak, anak," into my heart; and I suddenly remembered that it was Father's Day. Daddy's day. My Daddy was still back in the city but my Heavenly Abba couldn't wait to celebrate the day with me. It did not matter all of a sudden that I was sharing the room with two assistants - I had time enough to talk to Abba - Papa, Daddy - on the long drive home.

And so we talked, I shared my dreams with Him, He showed me some of His. I sang, I prayed, I praised, I cried; on His part, He made His creations - the skies, the trees, the landscape, the people on the way - appear all the more beautiful, as if I were seeing them through His eyes. It was such a day of total trust and devotion with Him as I let Him take me by my hand and do what He would with my day. Give a ride to two new friends I'd made so I'd have company on the drive back? Thumbs down, He wanted some quality time alone with me. Brief visit at the streetkids' shelter to drop off some pasalubong? Thumbs up; hurrah, the timing was so perfect that I was able to give it to my "favorite" little one as he was playing in front of the house. Shop at the mall for books for myself and to give away? Thumbs up. Parlor session to finally fix my eternal bad hair day? Thumbs down! Not today, He said. Mass at 4:00, or 5:30? He insisted on 6 pm Mass at a church other than that I'd planned, and for good reason (amazing celebration! My tears came out through my nose from my trying to contain them!). And so on and so forth. I let Him take total control of His day, and He did.

So why do I write you now and tell you all this? I remember that day when you were at camp in the US and you shared that e-mail to your Dad. It was one of the most wonderful things I'd ever read - not only because of the blessings it contained, but because of the natural instinct to share all these great things with one person you knew would perhaps even be happier than yourself...your Dad. I'm the same way with my Dad too, because I know that he will only be prouder, smile wider, and weep harder at all the good things that happen to his daughter. Now can you imagine how Our Father in heaven feels, every time we allow Him to take us from strength to strength? And, just like our earthly fathers, can you imagine how He feels whenever we give all these triumphs back to Him?

We are blessed to have wonderful dads who brought us up, who give us everything we need, who love us to pieces. But we are even more blessed to have a Father through whom our own fathers love, who will always take us back despite our wretchedness and rebellion and abuse, who will weep at our defeats and yet dry our tears and give us the strength to carry on, who so loved us that He sent His only son to suffer the most terrible tragedy the earth had ever witnessed.

And, it is because of and only through this wonderful, amazing, awesome, and almighty Father that you have become my beloved baby brother. And I will never cease thanking Him for you. No more tears, baby bro...God is good and all-knowing. I'll see you soon.