The Last Place

I was supposed to go back up to BC today, but, as always, things have a funny way of working out.

Solitude has been a rare commodity these last few weeks – I’ve hardly had a moment to myself since Holy Week. Even my morning prayer time has been compromised by other people’s constant and overwhelming presence and need for attention; e.g., early last Saturday I’d planned to spend some quiet time with God before service at He Cares, a plan foiled to some extent by my US-bound sister who realized too late that she’d forgotten, of all things, her laptop bag which of course held her plane ticket. So I spent my conversation time with the Creator in the car, rushing to and from the airport. Before that, during the last four days in Singapore, I think that my only time alone (aside from my bathroom time, and even that was frequently interrupted!) was the hour and a half I spent walking up and down Joo Chiat Road to buy palengke stuff to take home.

So today, despite telling 3D the previous evening that I’d be staying in the lowlands for a while, I decided to go up to BC for a few days. To pray, reflect, listen, and hopefully pay some household bills. But then again, you know what they say about the best laid plans… (not too well-laid though, as I was a little wishy-washy about going up and was playing things by ear).

Turns out that I didn’t have to go up into my beloved mountains to listen, because I heard what I believe I needed to hear quite clearly today. Even over the cacophony of the city. At the 11:30 charismatic Mass in Project 6, Father Aloy Alino spoke about witnessing to the fact that our God is a living God, and that if we truly believe that, we should reflect it – through our inner joy that spills out into our outer countenances, through living lives of faith and confidence and evident JOY despite our trials and not through displays of lukewarmness or depression or lethargic self-pity. A welcome surprise after the celebration was the congregational honoring of Sister Angela of the Sisters Adorers of the Blood of Christ, who is returning soon to Italy after 15 years of serving God by caring for His poor in this country. And of course, her fellow Sisters Maria and Elena, both of whom I hadn’t seen for quite some time, were there too, and it was such a blessing to catch up and share some grace-filled moments with these women who have given their lives to unconditionally loving and serving the Lord.

Unconditionally loving and serving Him. Sometimes I think about how much simpler it would have been to do that if He had called me to a religious vocation. And many times I’m envious about the unequivocal surrender that many of our religious, especially the Sisters, have made to Him. Then again, He calls each of us to walk a path that may be different, but leads just as well to His Kingdom.

He shows Himself to us in many different ways too. All throughout the Mass, I was reminded of how He made Himself known to me through some very precious channels – His littlest and weakest. Last Saturday Kenneth, He Cares’ special child who is not quite like the other kids, smiled at me in recognition, cake crumbs all over his face, and even waved happily instead of sullenly retreating into his own world. He let me stroke his hair and acknowledged affection, a very rare moment and a true blessing. A little while back, a stuttering, mentally challenged little boy was talking to me after Mass at UP and, after our short “conversation,” suddenly reached out through my open car window and touched my face as an affectionate gesture of goodbye, right before I drove away. It’s hard to explain, and perhaps even harder to believe, but I knew without a doubt that I was touched by the Lord. He likes to do that a lot, especially when I’m particularly “open” to His touch and not hurriedly rushing about. He ran up to me out of nowhere in Sagada and impulsively gave me a hug as I was walking back to the lodge. He looked up at me through scraggly hair and a greasy face while He was scrounging through trash in Pangasinan. He is in the He Cares’ household now, in the boys that I’ve seen grow and change and whom I’ve grown to love, and in the newest addition: the worst street urchin who can try the patience of a saint and in whose desperate eyes so in need of love we can recognize the One who loved us so desperately and taught us how to do the same. He passes by, every day, even if I may not notice Him – and He reminded me today that He is there “in the last place, in the child’s face, in the eyes of pain, of hunger…” We will meet Him there, in the last place.

I met Him again after Mass, and after an extended visit to a bookstore. “Ay, si Ate!” the slipper-less little boy with a familiar face exclaimed as I walked down the steps; he had been long absent from He Cares activities, because, according to him, his parents no longer allowed him to travel the distance from the squatters’ area in Camelot to Project 6. But apparently they, and the parents of Richard’s companions, would rather have these children loiter aimlessly on busy thoroughfares and pedestrian areas to beg or sell sampaguita garlands. I left them after encouraging them to come and spend their free summer time at He Cares’ music and art workshops, and little Edwin, who has never been to Project 6 and had never heard of “Ate Ganda” before, even ran out to see me off from a distance as I backed my car out. In the last place, indeed, when you least expect Him.

And that’s what His message has been to me, something I didn’t need the quiet solitude of the mountains to hear. To see Him in the last place – be it in His littlest ones or in His bigger ones who, despite outward appearances of relative prosperity, are in fact even more needy of love and care than the materially poor. To continue to seek Him out even as He continues to bless me with new experiences and enticing opportunities that could potentially distract from taking notice of Him as He passes by. To continue to meet Him there, in the last place.

I hear Your voice, Lord
I see your face
I hear Your voice, Lord
In the least expected place

Amazing Lord, astounding Lord
That You choose to dwell in the abandoned and afraid
In the last place, in a child’s face
In the eyes of pain, of hunger, and of rage
I will meet You there in the last place

- “The Last Place,” Bo Sanchez

Mistah

So what am I still doing in Manila? Good question. But you know what they say about the best laid plans; and, after all, the best plans carried out may not always be our own. It's all good though. Very good in fact - I wish I could say with aplomb, "It is futile to resist!" but I'm very willingly just allowing things to unfold so I can't really say I'm putting up much resistance. Even if it's keeping me away - for the moment - from my beloved BC. Wish I could say more in detail, but...nah. Would rather keep my readers (conceitedly assuming I have more than one) in delightful suspense, he he. Or, should I say, e e e e...

Anyway. Because the last few days have been such a whirlwind of activity, I haven't had a chance to write much - but I did want to relate a particularly enlightening conversation I had the other night/morning. A friend was talking about the fraternal bonds of those who share common experiences in the military, particularly going through years of training at the academy, and how these "mistahs" were closer than brothers (also a title of a book on the Philippine Military Academy by Alfred McCoy) willing to take - literally - a bullet for each other. The lengths that these men will go through to save a "brother's" life or reputation are a little difficult to comprehend, especially in this world where it's generally every man for himself. It would take someone like a frat man, like another friend we were speaking with, to understand this kind of self-abnegation: brod is thicker than water. As a sorority member myself, I am well-familiar with this kind of sentiment, albeit to a less bloodthirsty extent.

But as a Christian, I can totally relate to this idea of sacrifice for others that most of the world may find absurd, for I am a recipient of the most selfless love ever demonstrated on this earth. Indeed, "greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) Might seem like a strange way to show love, but good golly, it's a surefire reason to make one want to repay the "favor," even if it takes one's whole life to do so. Even if it takes one's own life. And by His grace I'm gladly - praise God - still paying Him the favor back, and forward, and, by His grace! will continue to do so for the rest of my life here and at Home. No greater mistah than Him :-)

Ascent

Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord. (Isaiah 2:3)

At the He Cares end-month intercessory a few weeks ago, I thanked God for giving me rest and giving me direction anew, and asked Him to give the same refreshment and renewal to His full-time servants. Praise God indeed, for this prayer was answered - for six days He Cares' full-time workers (except Kuya JD and Ate A, who is very much pregnant and unable to make long trips) and the boys' household spent time in the mountains I now call my own. For many of them, it was a week of firsts: first time in BC, first time to see fog or feel this cold (in a BC summer!), first time to celebrate a seder meal or venerate the cross or attend an Easter vigil Mass. As for myself and the P(h)ad, it was the first time to entertain such a large number of guests (14 in all, ages 11 to 30plusplus), and the first time to spend so many days on end with the household and the other members of the He Cares family. And what a blessed experience indeed! God guided this trip all the way: from making it possible in the first place, to keeping our interaction with each other peaceful and loving, to giving us excellent weather (it rained hard only when we started our descent, ensuring a cool travel climate even in the lowlands) and even perfect parking spaces (an impossible feat in the summer, especially during Holy Week!). All of these blessings were summed up perhaps during the last evening's sharing session which went into worship: these dear boys, who have had such a hard life growing up, finally had a week's worth of a REAL vacation. And how they relished it: sleeping late, eating well, creating art, discovering BC, "chilling" out. They played hard these last few days, but unlike many who are more privileged than they are, they worked hard too, and with cheerful dispositions (Ryan's morning greeting "Good morning, all!" with matching wave): they did their share of the chores, and more. By being such pleasant company, they unwittingly invested in the JJ P(h)ad: they will be welcome any time they wish to return.

It's been quite some time since I've seen BC through first-timer's eyes, and it's made me appreciate this city even more. Although I don't think I'll ever set foot in the meat market that is Mines View, ever again.

Descent

"For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:" (Ecc. 3:1)

I usually mumble and grumble and complain about having to come back into the city from my new home in the mountains, but I knew from the outset that this was exactly the right time to descend to the lowlands.

These last several days, God has allowed me to experience His incomparable love and generosity in a continuously overwhelming manner. Every new day has been filled with tremendous blessings and exciting new directions - personal, professional, and spiritual - that the last week went by so very quickly (so quickly that I've hardly had much time to write about it).

CC and I did some major work (CC for the most part, anyway; I contributed to the major mess, hehe) on the BC house - constructing and creating and deconstructing. It was mostly manual work, with a lot of conversation and creative cookery (1,000 recipes for your rice cooker) and one huge dinner with a priest and some seminarians, all in all such a pleasant experience that I'm slightly surprised we didn't get sick of each other's company after four days and more than 400 kilometers on the road. Such a calm soul - he didn't even bat an eyelash when he split his finger with J's Swiss knife; the only time I saw him stressed was trying to rush back to Manila through the tricycle traffic in time for a meeting (yeah the city can do that to you). Thanks CC, you're such a blessing - I'm going to try to start work on the kitchen wall mosaic without getting grouted to the wall myself.


I needed to get back to Manila myself: second Saturdays are my He Cares toka and I had to prepare for Father Steve's Mass at the Center. That went off wonderfully, as usual, and we had quite an interesting afternoon as we were joined by our friend Delphine of France's Enfants du Mekong, Tim the US volunteer, and two walk-in volunteers who found He Cares on the Net: Elisa from Italy and Graham from the UK. Add to that motley crew our resident mestizos and mulattos and me (forever being mistaken to be Chinese, Japanese, and most recently, Korean), and you've got yourself a United Colors of Benetton ad.

Speaking of which! On the drive down, I get an unexpected call from one of the partners of the ad agency I regularly work with, and the rush campaign I wrote for them won the account! Wonderful news and a very, very welcome windfall, especially with all the BC renovations and a couple of impending trips abroad. Two of the "promoters" of such trips are coincidentally in the country right now - my darling Empress, who bestowed upon me the "legacy" of a dive regulator (probably a sign that I need to go back underwater soon) and my Chicago-based sister, who came bearing tons of my favorite pasalubong - books, books, and more books! Talk about God's generosity - stuff I can really put to good use and thoroughly enjoy without my having to spend a single centavo. :-)


Not that I need to spend much when I engage in one of my favorite activities: catching up with good friends. I finally got to spend quality one-on-one time with another dear friend and fellow Chicago-an/Oprah fan Carina in her gorgeous new house overlooking the Marikina valley; and my dearest Rhia and Neil held a special post-birthday dinner the day after I got back, just because I'd missed Rhia's actual celebration. A little while before that, I went on a little wine-tasting expedition with CC and my Anak, and later ended up bumping into my best friend Miles and David - you can imagine how that evening progressed... And after the He Cares Saturday feeding, I attended TG's birthday and thanksgiving party and got to catch up with her and some other new friends after a long hiatus - was supposed to get together with much older college friends at an alma mater activity later that evening but was waylaid by a slight "detour" and instead spent many hours just talking and talking and talking over "one beer lang" with one of my best bros, Pedro. Just yesterday, I was only supposed to pick up something at the He Cares boys' new Project 8 household, and of course ended up cooking for them and staying for dinner before I needed to leave for the airport. Whew; what a wild whirlwind of wonderful blessings indeed. All in less than two weeks, and all because I came back down from the mountains, in God's time.

And I'm going back up, God-willing, tomorrow, with a household/van-ful of blessings who are as excited as I am about BC. He is in our ascents as He is in our descents - what a beautiful truth to hold on to!

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace. (1-8)

BC Blessings

God is good.

- I'm back in BC - got a "welcome home!" from a soul sistah - safe and sound and very happy to be up in the mountains even if I kept conking out last night on the drive here from sheer exhaustion (good thing I wasn't at the wheel!).

- Unlike the last time, I didn't have to do any heavy lifting to move stuff in - although he drove the entire trip, CC got up much earlier in the morning than I did...and hauled up all my stuff we'd left down in the car. After which, he promptly started work on a Session Road/Real Living-inspired wall mirror mosaic, and didn't let up work until dinnertime.

- Speaking of which, today I discovered a little eatery off-the-beaten-track (and therefore located on a road not covered by the BC color-coding system) that serves an extremely good (and very cheap) lean pork barbecue with a side order of tomato-onion-green pepper relish - very, very good spiked with just the right anghang of Quezon's Coconut Vinegar. So good that after having it for lunch, we went and bought it for dinner as well.

- My car's clutch now works like a very pleasant dream.

- I made a serendipitous discovery today...the JJ P(h)ad has wi-fi access!! Free of charge. Amazing! That has to be my favorite blessing of the day. Couldn't help smiling for hours about it...still smiling now as I blog from my favorite BC writing spot. Jeryc my "anak" couldn't believe our good fortune either - "OH MY GOSH!! Now we don't have any reason to leave the P(h)ad!" Exactly.

- The P(h)ad is starting to look even more awesome. Think Kawayan de Guia's Session Road meets Moulin Rouge on hash (in the words of Rachel, Real Living's EIC). Hehe. I love how it's turning out.

God is GOOD!