Reformatting, Ver. 2005

Today/night, I had to reformat once again. It's been more than a year since I've cleaned up my machine, and I paid a couple of technicians several hundred buckaroos (the last one up to twice the amount I usually pay, ouch!) just to get my system up and running again but, in the end, the buck stops with me. I had to decide which programs to get rid of, and which to retain, and I'm "rebuilding" my trusty laptop even as I type.

Sort of like a reassessment of my life, which, in the last few weeks can be summed up in "two words": NGARAG (haven't used that word in ages, but that describes exactly how I've been feeling!). Not to say that I don't like doing what I've been doing - it's just that I think I've been doing a little too much. It's not very nice when you get comments like "Ate Honey, kulang ka sa tulog 'no?" (from Francis, because of my eyebags) and "Ate Honey, nakatulog ka na ba?" (the next day, also from Francis), and, just last Saturday, "Hon, matulog ka naman," (from Kuya Mike, which means that the luggage under my eyes was apparently a little over the maximum weight allowable!). Just too many things to do...sleep is just luxury. It still is, because I've had to catch up on household responsibilities set aside over the last couple of weeks on my rest days. Whew. Like I told someone recently, my life's ambition is to sleep for a week. Uninterrupted. Yum.

In the midst of all this, I've been asking God to situate me once again in the heart of the mission He's set me on. To immerse me once more in the certainty of His will for my life, and to remove the things and attitudes that keep me from following Him. Tonight at Mass, I prayed especially for the one thing that is still "festering" in my heart (although not as badly as before), the one thing that I'm pretty sure He wants me to surrender. And I hope to be rid of it soon, that I may come to love and serve Him more genuinely.

Speaking of Mass, and of direction, tonight God sent me a very sweet surprise - a host of "angels" to keep me company. My Mom and I split up because there weren't enough free seats at the 7 p.m. Project 6 Mass (I hardly go with Mom because she likes to hear Mass in the morning, and, except for the 11:30 am Mass, I very rarely go to Project 6 on Sundays). So, during the homily, I found myself sitting alone on the steps to the choir loft...but not for very long, because I heard a chorus of "Ate Honey!" from behind me - some of my very favorite He Cares kids: the Castenares twins (generically called "Kambal" although separately named Maria Lourdes and Mary Rose), Sarah Jane, Jolina, and Abigaile, were also attending Mass. Talk about Divine direction! As I held them close and prayed with them (children are very impressionable at the elementary age - they emulate everything adults they look up to do, like kneeling, even on the hard concrete floor, during the Consecration and after Communion, and singing the hymns with gusto), I knew that there was a reason we were late for Mass at San Nicolas and had to go to Project 6 instead. And I knew that God was confirming my call to love and care for these little ones, physically and spiritually and emotionally, just as they were called to care for ME. An added bonus for that night was that my Mom, who's long been waiting for a chance to take care of some "little ones," got to play Grandma for a short time. She even bought them burgers and had them calling her - Madam Taray in the flesh - "Grandmommy" by the time we took them home. Huh, it's been a weeklong trend...Ate Brenda calls it a "prophecy," but we shall see, shall we not? Amen? Amen! :-)