Lagare

I thank God for this time of rest: sometimes He allows illness to slow the mad onslaught of activity that, even though done for Him, detracts from Him. One message though that I've received over the last few days is that God's servants should never spread themselves too thin - in doing His work or in professional or recreational activities that may not be directly connected to Him -lest they be too exhausted to carry on His mission in the days to follow. Hmm, apparently now even my social life is a matter to be discerned...which brooks no major argument, because lately I've been too tired after mission work to pull the usual all-nighters/sunrisers anyway. And the sunrise is much more beautiful if you've had a good night's sleep prior to witnessing God's radiant masterpiece :-)

Found an old reflection that tells of a life of lagare...and how God manages to still the storm and allow us to focus on Him (but only if we so desire!) despite the flurry of activity:

Reverse Psalm 37

“Yesterday, I was assaulted.” As the rest of my ministry knows, so went the first – and only - line of a reflection I began to write early this week. But now (almost four days later!), upon my fellow ministers’ encouragement, that sentence has some company, praise God. My verse this week is the first part of Matthew 25:29 – “For to everyone who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough.” The end-part of the parable of the talents, where the protagonists are the good and trustworthy servants, and so on.

In the words of Jennifer Unlimited, “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” And boy, was I attacked this past Monday! Life was literally banging on my door, threatening to knock it down…a full-frontal assault if I’ve ever seen one. It seemed that as soon as the start-of-the-weekday alarm went off, everyone turned in my direction and went, “RAAARGH! I need you NOW!” Honestly, I don’t remember any day quite like it in recent history. The law office wanted my opinion on this. The ad agency suddenly needed me to interview whats-his-face. The family (oh yes, we’re a full house again with all the kids and parents and dogs and cat and maids and landscapers all present and noisily accounted for) wanted me to drive here and there. My students’ midterms were still untouched and begging to be corrected. The community needed some stuff done too. A friend needed a job and my undivided attention. Another friend was planning with me a dinner for that evening. And I had to get cleaned up and dressed in time for a meeting for a new TV project (yes, another one!). All that, believe it or not, in the first 15 minutes of my morning. Everything was ringing off the hook – the phones, the cell phone, my messenger on the computer, my brain…

My prayer time is the first thing I do in the morning, but this particular day I could not spend five minutes alone with God without being rudely interrupted in some way or another. Finally, in my exasperation, I threw my hands up and told Him that I’d be talking to Him on the way to my meeting and during the rest of the day if I could help it. Which was of little consequence, since the rest of the day went by in a psychotic rush (the only way I can describe it is major “lagare”) that had me silently screaming.

But the strange thing was that everything I did that day was a tremendous blessing from Him, something that I normally would really, really appreciate. My meeting was for yet another project that amazingly fits into the picture of what I previously only dreamed of doing, and when I found out who my director was going to be, I knew that the Lord had answered one of my prayers. And yet I had discomfort.

From there, I joined my favorite brother Ryan and one of my favorite-st friends Tiboy for another meeting about a project for one my favorite groups of people (community…hehe, sipsip). And yet I had discomfort.

I went balikbayan shopping with my two blood sisters – one of my favorite activities with two of my favorite people. And yet I had discomfort.

To top off what was objectively an unbelievably enjoyable day, I had a cozy home-cooked Italian dinner by candlelight with my dearest friends. Cabernet, conversation, and cheese…what more could you ask for? And yet I had discomfort.

Always, always in the back of my mind, above all these blessings, was the nagging thought that I had not spent time with Him who had blessed me with so much. I was literally drowning in blessings, and yet I yearned for the company of the Bless-er. I went to bed dead-tired, with an apology on my lips and in my heart.

The next day wasn’t any different from the previous one – maybe even a little worse because of my classes. But before I embarked on it, I begged Him for a respite from the demands of the world. Just don’t let anything interfere with my prayer time, I asked. I only want to be with You, even if for just a while. Keep the flood of Your blessings at bay, if You will; I only want You. And you know what? He did. For a solid hour, right smack in what is usually the busiest time of my workday morning, He stilled the raging seas and we talked, laughed, cried, embraced, listened to each other – just the two of us. No ringing phones, no urgent e-mails or cell calls, no family member or colleague harassing me. It was such a perfect communion that, as I told my ministry, He spoke a prayer into my heart. And I suppose that He allowed my manic Monday to happen precisely to make a point: that all His blessings are for naught if I do not acknowledge Him who has blessed me. He sort of did a reverse Psalm 37:4, giving me for that particular day all my heart’s desires, but without my making Him my joy first by meeting Him in prayer. Well, I didn’t like it one bit. :-)

This is getting a little extra-long, even for me, but I wanted to share with you my prayer after that awesome one-on-one with Him:

I Thee worship…
With the work of my hands
With the work of my heart
With the work of my life.

Finally, today’s entry in one of the devotionals I’m reading is “swak na swak.” It talks about the priority of prayer and points to Daniel (Daniel 6:1-28) as an example. “He believed without a shadow of a doubt that God would honor his commitment to prayer and take care of any trouble.” (March 4, Into His Presence, Charles Stanley). Amen, and amen! No wonder God spared me from the lions that went, “RAAAARGH! I want you for lunch!”

4 March 2004