Here I Am

I overexerted myself a little too soon last night without being "fully charged," and consequently I fell asleep on my guests (it was All About Love, the darkened room, and the welcoming couch that did me in). But they're my friends and I know that they didn't mind being my sister sub'ing for me in terms of entertaining, and now the whole bunch is in Cali (as Lex likes to call it) for the day while I'm happily content to chill and continue recharging right here at home.

This time alone to "jam with the Lord" and still myself enough to be sensitive to the promptings of His spirit has been fruitful thus far, because I've been able to reflect all I want on His direction and what He's been revealing to me over the last few days.

Last week, Kuya Joe Dean asked me to take care, on his behalf, of ministering in Montalban (the honor is extremely personal, since I have always wanted to serve more fully in the Balik-Loob sa Diyos program of the foundation). He said that this is no longer mere volunteer work but a more steadfast commitment to the mission, and while both of us agreed that I should continue to pray about it, I gave my initial "yes." The faith activity that we started a few weeks back is picking up steam and, from all indications by far, is truly being driven by the Spirit - many exciting developments and senses from the Lord, which nevertheless need a lot of continued prayers for proper discernment and guidance. And I've also been called to serve in another capacity for Christ's Youth in Action's creatives team - CYA could never have gotten a foot into my door when I was in college, but it sure is making up for lost time and opportunities!

Different calls, none of which are conflicting with each other thus far (and hopefully never will, please God), or too demanding of my limited capacity. When I gave God the filofax of my life at the start of this year, I had nagging doubts about how and where He'd lead me or if indeed He would - I didn't seriously think He'd fill it out so beautifully. Goes to show how much I really trust His wisdom...but I'm learning. Praise God.

Over the last few days, the Lord has been confirming the direction He set me on (only He knows how much assurance and confirmation I need to get the point though the thickness of my skull!) - the direction towards mission, being sent out to carry His light, in whatever way or capacity I can, into the world. I am but a jar of clay, with cracks through which the treasure of His glory shines, but He has promised He would enable, and I submit.

At the Hillsong concert last Saturday, one particular song hit home - His first confirmation that He is behind these calls to His service, and that truly indeed He is the One sending me out:

You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.
You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near."

You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.

O Lord, I ask for the nations.

Yesterday's Mass readings and Gospel hammered that point in more insistently:

And Moses went up to God, and the LORD called to him out of the mountain, saying, "Thus you shall say to the house of Jacob, and tell the people of Israel: You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you will obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my own possession among all peoples; for all the earth is mine, and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. These are the words which you shall speak to the children of Israel." (Exodus 19:2-6)

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the lands!
Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!
Know that the LORD is God! It is he that made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures for ever, and his faithfulness to all generations. (Psalm 100:1, 3-5)

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; pray therefore the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every infirmity.
The names of the twelve apostles are these: first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zeb'edee, and John his brother; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Cananaean, and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him. These twelve Jesus sent out, charging them, "Go nowhere among the Gentiles, and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And preach as you go, saying, `The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying, give without pay.

(Matthew 9:36 - 10:8)

As if all that were not enough, after I'd received the Holy Eucharist, the choir struck up a song that the Lord knows is truly special to me - and which I cannot listen to, much less sing without ending up in tears, because it is the story of my own call:

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard My people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear My light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have born my peoples pain.
I have wept for love of them, they turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak My word to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them,
My hand will save
Finest bread I will provide,
Till their hearts be satisfied.
I will give My life to them,
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord, is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.

Johanna, who was sitting beside me during the Mass and also hearkening closely to God's call to mission, appears to have received the answer to her questions in prayer as well. Praise God, may He continue to send more laborers to the harvest!

And finally, during my morning prayer time, today's introduction to one of my favorite prayer sites, Sacred Space, summed all of these Divine messages up:

This Sunday's Gospel is one of the rare occasions when Jesus seems to be organising for the future. With great deliberation he chooses twelve apostles who will share his work. What is that work? Not organising, not pulling people into line; not judging or blaming or coercing into proper behaviour, but compassionate service. Jesus' move towards the crowds was because they were harassed and dejected. His mission, and that of the Twelve, was not to organise or dominate people, but to serve them, especially the lost sheep, to lift their dejection and spare them harassment.

Lord, when I look at my life in your service, how much of it is compassionate service? This week let me make others' needs, not my ego, the trigger of my activity.

Amen. Here I am Lord; I now know it is I You call. I will go if you lead me; I will hold Your people in my heart.