I Was In Lethargy, Baby...

It's a weird feeling not to step out of the house the whole day (I actually thought I'd literally "step out" when I needed to get something from the car I'd parked on the street, but found that they'd moved it into the garage sometime this morning...so technically, I haven't been "out of the house" at all!). I actually had some stuff planned - nothing too important, so I was all ready to head out and then...

Blah. Katamad. I couldn't do very much this morning other than surf (or should I say paddle) the Net, reply to a few texts, talk to a friend on the phone (after making him call back because I was too lazy to even talk when he first called!), and stare at the TV. I even ended up ditching the whole idea of going to the Center for the Wednesday feeding, and, later in the afternoon, managed to convince my Mom that it was too warm to go to Chinatown and that I'd drive her tomorrow instead.

And the lethargy continues. Another friend wants to watch a DVD tonight, and I still haven't had the heart to say I'm too tamad to come over (besides, he bought a Hollywood movie I have no intention of seeing, heh heh). Speaking of which, I have a backlog of around 12 (non-Hollywood!) DVDs but I'm too lazy today to entertain guests or concentrate on reading the subtitles. Just now a law-student friend was looking to unwind before finals - and I couldn't even muster up the usual energy and enthusiasm to do that. Sigh. I feel terribly unproductive...and downright useless!

Maybe it's because it's around "that" time of the month; maybe I'm in recovery from what Gari so aptly calls "binge"-ing. It seems like activity - service, social, social-service (!) - has been non-stop over the last several weeks, and I haven't had much time to recuperate. I remember a time not too long ago when I had one day a week just to myself - to read, to pray, to rest, to sleep, to do exactly what I felt like doing (which was usually sleeping, heh heh) - when I withdrew from the world for just a little while and regained my bearings. "A little while" is the key phrase...I also remember a time when I took this "lethargy" to a dangerous extreme and ended up being cooped up in a Chicago apartment for "a long while," sleeping and watching trash TV like Jerry Springer and ElimiDate. But "a little while" is good.

While I was typing this I suddenly thought about another Person who liked to "withdraw" by Himself for "a little while"...and He usually did so before and/or after the momentuous events of His ministry. After His baptism in the Jordan, and before embarking on His public ministry. After feeding thousands throught the miracle of the loaves and fishes, and before walking on water to meet His disciples. After healing many at Capernaum, and the leper in Judaea. After washing his followers' feet and leaving them His Body and Blood, and before His Passion and crucifixion.

"It becomes a rhythm of his life: minister to the people and then withdraw to pray and talk to his Father. The disciples see his prayer life and remember. Gradually -- and especially after his ascension -- they learn to pray the same way. Jesus' rhythm needs to be our rhythm, too. Pray and do, pray and minister." (The Will To Make Lepers Whole, Dr. Ralph F. Williams)

This "lethargic" tiredness has some value, after all. Withdrawal from the busy-ness of service and socials and social-service need not be "unproductive," for, if there is anything we can do, anywhere we are, no matter how hyperactive or unenergetic we may feel, it is to pray...and that's what I think I'll do in just a bit. It may be - in fact, I'm pretty sure it is - the most useful thing I'll ever do today.

Besides, I'm a little excited to think about what "momentous event" will be coming up after this "little while" away. :-)