Dear Doc

I haven't written very much over the last few weeks although there is so much to write about...This is probably the most recent thing I've written: a letter to my Kris Kringle "angel," which shares the same sentiments I would have expressed in a more "public"-oriented reflection. So I will just post (most of) it here.

Dear Doc Jun,

Surprise! Apparently you have had the misfortune of being my Kris Kringle angel – and I have not been a very good parent. My apologies…but I hope to make it up to you as much as I can.

One of the tasks was to write you a letter telling you about where God has been leading me recently. Perhaps it is a good thing that I am writing this belatedly, because if I had written you about it a couple of weeks ago, I probably would not have anything coherent to write.

This week, God has been reminding me about how our relationship used to be and how far it is from what we have now. It has only been a couple of weeks, but I have felt the strain of separation from Him, the lack of communion with Him and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I have been wrapped up in doing too many things, most of all doing things for Him, that my lines of communication with Him were becoming garbled because of many distractions. Also, there are circumstances through which He is speaking that I do not yet understand, which leave me oftentimes desperately frustrated. And so I have begged for His light and for His reassurance and for His direction.

He has answered me only in the last few days, but it is great consolation. First, He spoke to me through the Gospel, when He said, “blessed is anyone who takes no offense at Me;” or, in other translations, “blessed are those who do not lose faith in Me.” (Luke 7:23) He spoke these words to the disciples of John the Baptist, who was then in prison and about to suffer death at the hands of Herod. I can imagine how John must have felt – he believed he had baptized the Messiah, but despite that he was thrown into prison and unjustly made to suffer…why did not this Christ save him? Which is why, in desperate frustration he probably sent his disciples to ask Christ if He was really the Savior promised. We all know what Jesus said: "Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the poor have good news brought to them.” But for the first time last Wednesday, I heard the last part of that Gospel: “blessed is anyone who takes no offense at Me;” who does not doubt in His apparent helplessness, who has faith despite the Lord’s seeming absence.

And today, that message for me was confirmed many times over during my morning prayer time. The Gospel today is Jesus’ genealogy from Abraham (Matthew 1:1-17) – and the Lord’s message for me was the perfection and symmetry of His plan (“So all the generations from Abraham to David were fourteen generations, and from David to the deportation to Babylon fourteen generations, and from the deportation to Babylon to the Christ fourteen generations.”) No one knew it, and no one saw it at the time, but God’s plan was perfectly accomplished over the ages. Today also, my personal worship began with the song of Moses on Mount Sinai before Israel entered the promised land: “Oh, tell the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, His work is perfect, for all His ways are equitable. A trustworthy God who does no wrong, he is the Honest, the Upright One!” (Deuteronomy 32:3-4) In other words, ascribe greatness to our God, the Rock…His work is perfect, and all His ways are just! And the Lord led me in prayer to one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11-14: “I know well the plans I have in mind for you … plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me…” And also, the admonition of Isaiah 55:8-9: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts.” And finally, as I ended my time in conversation with Him, He reminded me of His promise, that He had fulfilled once upon a time in my life when I felt even more lost and when I thought I was broken beyond repair: “God will make a way, where there seems to be no way…He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me.” Indeed, as I prayed to Him with that song, He reminded me how He made a way – through His perfect plan, through His passion, cross, and the glory of His resurrection – to save mankind from eternal death and separation from Him. And if He could do that, He can do anything: “He will do something new today!” With that reassurance, I know that He is in control. He lovingly yelled two commands into my heart: “BELIEVE! TRUST!” And I will.

So that’s what He’s been saying to me lately. I need some one-on-one time with Him soon, and I am looking forward to spending many days just in conversation with Him, and not just serving Him.

God bless you always, I hope to share more with you in the days to come!

Your Sister in Christ and delinquent parent,
Honey