Bad Moods and God's Love

I do not understand my own behavior; I do not act as I mean to, but I do things that I hate...And really, I know of nothing good living in me - in my natural self, that is - for though the will to do what is good is in me, the power to do it is not: the good thing I want to do, I never do; the evil thing which I do not want - that is what I do. - Romans 7:15,18-19

Fell into a foul mood earlier this evening; what a horrid state of being! Even worse was that it came about right in the middle of a mission, when one is supposed to be bringing light instead of darkening the atmosphere with cloudy attacks of temper. I hate it when I get this way; I'd been in much worse moods than this, but I still don't like what I become when I get so wrapped up in the threads of my emotional cocoon.

It got so bad that I hardly said a word in the car on the way home (those who know me well are aware of what this means - driving while talking is one of my greatest passions!). Consequently, the people in my car hardly said anything either (perhaps the mood was contagious). Except of course for one curious voice belonging to someone who pretty much knows what I'm all about and who had earlier unwittingly suffered the brunt of my temper tempest.

"Bad mood" - the first few words out of his mouth just then were the very words in my mind. Bad mood, indeed, and I did not entirely understand why I'd been overcome by all these negative emotions. But what my "angel" of the evening asked me next was even more incomprehensible, although I immediately understood why he had to say those words. "So, what did God tell you last Sunday?"

In the wee hours of Sunday, I had an intense, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking conversation with God, during which I felt embraced and loved unlike ever before. The next day, the "angel" had noticed the swollen eyelids and the tired eyes, but he chalked it up to a weekend of partying until some busybody set him straight with the truth. I tried to find the words to explain what God had revealed to me during that particular time, but was a little apprehensive about anyone else's reaction. But my "angel" wasn't expecting too many words; he filled in the blanks by himself, whether unwittingly or not. It is always such a blessing to share these things with someone who knows exactly where you are coming from, and who does not need much explanation; someone who knows what to say, and when to be silent. And who knows how to break the ice, just when things are getting too serious...merely by innocently saying two words: "pet monkey."

Consequently, the bad mood passed, relatively quickly but with lots more tears: and very quickly too was it revealed that there is a beautiful rainbow after the flood (of tears?). The next day was so chockfull of blessings - gifts from the Lord that I would never have appreciated as much, had I not weathered the tempest. And even while I tossed and turned in it, desperately seeking His calming presence, He did not leave me helpless...He first gave me the reassuring "life preserver" of His incomparable, indescribable love before allowing me to flounder about for a while in the deep. And thus with Him as my lifeguard, I know that I shall never drown even in the darkest, most turbulent waters churned up in my soul!